经常读一些英语短文可以有效提高英语的阅读能力，
There is a naughty boy in a village.He likes telling day he wats to make fun of the farmers.So he shouts,“Wolf! Wolf! Wolf is coming!” The kind farmers are working in the field.They hear the shout,ad hurry to help the boy.But when get there,the boy says: “There isn’t a wolf.I’m joking.The farers are agry ad go back to their field.After a while the biy shouts again,“Wolf! Wolf! Wolf is coming!” And the farmers come ad are cheated again.The boy laughs ad laughs.They say,“You tell lies.We will not believe you.”
Later a wolf really comes.The boy is very scared.“Wolf! Wolf! Wolf is coming!” the boy shouts ad shouts.“Help! Help!” But no one comes.And wolf eats the naughty boy.
The six-year-old John was terribly spoiled. His father knew it, but his grandma doted on(溺爱，宠爱) him. He hardly left her side. And when he wanted anything, he either cried or threw a temper tantrum(乱发脾气) . Then came his first day of school, his first day away from his grandmother's loving arms.When he came home from school his grandma met him at the door. "Was school all right?" she asked, "Did you get along all right? Did you cry?""Cry?" John asked. "No, I didn't cry, but the teacher did!"
六岁的约翰娇生惯养。他的父亲知道这一点，可他的祖父母仍然宠着他。这孩子几乎寸步不离他的祖母。他想要什么不是哭，就是闹。他第一天上学才离开祖母的怀抱。约翰放学了，他奶奶在门口接他并问道：“学校怎么样？你过的好吗？哭了没有？”“哭？”约翰问，“不，我没哭，可老师哭了。”
A male crab met a female crab and asked her to marry him. She noticed that he was walking straight instead of sideways. Wow, she thought, this crab is really special. I can't let him get away. So they got married immediately.
The next day she noticed her new husband waking sideways like all the other crabs, and got upset. "What happened?" she asked. "You used to walk straight before we were married."
"Oh, honey, " he replied, "I can't drink that much every day."
妻子的欲望
A woman and her husband were out shopping when she realized that she needed to purchase some hair color for her graying hair.
一位女士在与他的丈夫购物时，她意识到她该为她的灰白头发买些染发水了。
"When are you going to stop buying that expensive stuff ,"complained the husband."and let your hair go gray like Barbara Bush?"
她丈夫抱怨说：“你什么时候才能停止买那些昂贵的东西，而让你的头发长成像芭芭拉。布什(总统夫人)的头发那样灰白呢？”
"The day that you're inaugurated,"the wife replied.
“那就要等到你就职的那天了。”妻子说。
Can you tell me what fish net is made, Ann?
A lot of little holes tied together with strings. replied the little girl.
你能告诉我鱼网是什么做的吗，安？ 老师发问道。
把许多小孔用绳子栓在一起就成了鱼网了。 小女孩回答道。
My teen-age son,Chad,and nine of his friends came home one night with newly pierced ears. When his grandmother heard about it,she asked him why he did it.”Peer
pressure," Chad told her.
"You should be a leader instead of a follower,”Grandma said.
"I was,"he replied. "It was my idea.”
Don't Be Selfish
A mother is admonishing her son.
—Now, John, don't be selfish. Let your little brother share the bicycle with you.
—But Mother, I do. I ride it down the hill, and he rides it up the hill.
Friend for Dinner "Honey," said the husband to his wife, "I invited a friend home for supper." "What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I haven't been shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don't feel like cooking a fancy meal!" "I know all that." "Then why did you invite a friend for supper?" "Because the poor fool's thinking about getting married."
I love jokes. I could listen to people telling jokes all day. I laugh at even the silliest of jokes. In fact, I love silly jokes. I still laugh at the jokes I laughed at when I was a child. I’m not so good at telling jokes（讲笑话）. I have just a few of my favourite ones that I tell. They’re pretty funny. I think telling jokes is a real skill. You need confidence（自信）, timing and you need to know when to deliver（说） the punch line（画龙点睛之语）. Some of my jokes don’t work with people from other countries. They don’t get them. It’s also interesting to see how American and British jokes are different. I listen to American comedians（喜剧演员） but can’t see what’s funny. I also love practical jokes. Playing jokes on other people is very funny – as long as they see the funny side.
For months I hinted that I needed a new wedding ring, since I had developed an allergy to gold. On my birthday, while I was gardening, my husband asked me for gift suggestions. I held my hands up and said, "Well, you‘ll notice that my hands are bare."
Later that evening I opened my present with enthusiasm. "Happy birthday," he said, as I unwrapped a new pair of gardening gloves.
Little Roy puts on his new trousers and goes to see his aunt . His cousins are all very happy to see him .They take out all the toys and play together .The boy enjoys a very good day there .
On his way back home , Roy slips and falls into the mud . His new trousers get very dirty.
When he gets home , his mother is very angry to see his dirty trousers and says :”Oh,what a mess! You got your new trousers so dirty.”
“I’m sorry ,mom,” Roy says , “But I had no time to take them off when I fell down .”
A man staggers into an emergency room with two black eyes and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat.
一个男人摇摇晃晃地走进了急诊室，两个眼睛是青的，脖子上有明显的五指印。
Naturally the doctor asks him what happened. "Well, it was like this," said the man. "I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife when she sliced her ball into a pasture of cows.
医生问他发生了什么。“额，是这样的，”这个人说。“我和我老婆来了几局高尔夫，她把球打到一个牛群里。”
"We went to look for it and while I was rooting around, I noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end.
“我们去找这个球，我四下搜索，发现一头牛的屁股后面有个白色的东西。”
"I walked over and lifted up the tail and sure enough, there was my wife's golf ball -- stuck right in the middle of the cow's butt. That's when I made my mistake."
“我走过去，举起了它的尾巴想看清楚，我老婆的球就卡在牛的屁股中间。然后我犯了一个错误。”
"What did you do?" asks the doctor.
“你干嘛了？”医生问。
"Well, I lifted the tail and yelled to my wife, 'Hey, this looks like yours!'"
“额，我举起了牛的尾巴，对我老婆喊道，'这个好像是你的！'”
A lady went to a hat shop to buy a hat. As she was very fussy, it took her a long time to pick on one.
Already at the end of his patience the salesman was afraid that she might change her mind again so he tried to flatter her: "An excellent choice, madam.You look at least ten years younger with this hat on!"
To his dismay, the lady took off her hat at once and said: "I don't want a hat that makes me look ten years older as soon as I take it off. Show me some more hats!"
A motorist got caught in one of those new radar traps.He had been driving home one night when the automatic camera identified his car as exceeding the speed limit, Soon after,he received a ticket in the mail,plus a picture of this vehicle with the date and speed recorded on it.
Duly impressed, he sent back the ticket, along with a photo of a $100 bill to pay the fine.
For her 82nd birthday，I surprised my grandmother with a birthday greeting signed by the President. （Upon request，this service is available to seniors over 80.）When I asked grandma how she felt receiving a card from the White House，she had a ready answer. "There's no privacy in this country any more,"she said. "They even keep track of your birthday. "
我奶奶过82岁的生日时，我送给她一份惊奇的礼物—一张由总统签名的'生日贺卡。（根据规定，80岁以上的老年人可得到此项服务。）当我问奶奶收到来自白宫的贺卡有何感想时，她毫不犹豫地回答说:“在这个国家，再也没有隐私了，他们就连你的生日都追踪着。”
Two soldiers were in camp. The first one‘s name was George, and the second one‘s name was Bill. George said, "have you got a piece of paper and an envelope, Bill?"
Bill said, "Yes, I have," and he gave them to him.
Then George said, "Now I haven‘t got a pen." Bill gave him his, and George wrote his letter. Then he put it in the envelope and said, "have you got a stamp, Bill?" Bill gave him one.
Then Bill got up and went to the door, so George said to him, "Are you going out?"
Bill Said, "Yes, I am," and he opened the door.
George said, "Please put my letter in the box in the office, and.。." He stopped.
"What do you want now?" Bill said to him.
George looked at the envelope of his letter and answered, "What‘s your girl-friend‘s address?"
On a trip to Disney World
in Florida, my husband and I and our two children devoted ourselves wholeheartedly to the wonders of this attraction. After three exhausting days, we headed for home.
As we drove away, our son waved and said, "Goodbye, Mickey."
Our daughter waved and said, "Goodbye, Minnie."
My husband waved, rather weakly, and said, "Goodbye, Money."
迪斯尼之旅 弗罗里达州的迪斯尼乐园是一个迷人的地方。一次我和丈夫以及两个孩子前往旅游，我们全身心地沉醉在它的各种奇观之中。精疲力竭地玩了三天之后，我们要回家了。
当我们驱车离开时，儿子挥手说：“再见，美奇。”
女儿挥着手说，“再见，美妮。”
丈夫也有气无力地挥了挥手，说道：“再见，美元。”
A little girl asked her Mom, "Mom, may I take the dog for a walk around the block?"
一个小女孩问她的妈妈，“妈妈，我可以带狗狗去街角散步吗？”
Mom replies, "No, because she is in heat."
妈妈回答说，“不，因为她有些热。”
"What's that mean?" asked the child.
“那是什么意思？”小女孩问。
"Go ask your father", answered the mother, "I think he's in the garage."
“问你爸爸去吧，”妈妈回答道，“他应该在车库里。”
The little girl goes to the garage and says, "Dad, may I take Belle for a walk around the block? I asked Mom, but she said the dog was in heat, and to come to you."
于是小女孩就去了车库里，说“爸爸，我可以带Belle去街角散散步吗？我问了妈妈，但她说狗狗有些热，让我来问问你。”
Dad said, "Bring Belle over here." He took a rag, soaked it with gasoline, and scrubbed the dog's backside with it and said, "Okay, you can go now, but keep Belle on the leash and only go one time around the block."
爸爸说，“把Belle带过来吧。”他拿了跟布条，用汽油浸过，然后绑在了狗狗的背上用力擦了擦狗狗的背，说“好了，你现在可以去了，但是得一直拿着Belle的皮带，并且只能在街角走一次。”
The little girl left, and returned a few minutes later with no dog on the leash. Surprised, Dad asked, "Where's Belle?"
小女孩离开了，几分钟后便回来了，狗没有一起回来。爸爸感到很惊讶，问道，“Belle呢？”
The little girl said, "She ran out of gas about halfway down the block, so another dog is pushing her home."
小女孩说，“她半路就把背上的汽油挥发光了，然后另外一只狗就'奋勇前进'了。”
—Waiter,this lobster has only one claw.
-- I'm sorry,sir.It must have been in a fight.
-- Well,bring me the winner then.
-- 服务员， 这个龙虾只有一只爪。
-- 对不起，先生，这只肯定打过架了。
-- 哦， 那给我那个打赢的吧。九十岁了。每当要搬东西，抬东西或者装东西时，他们就叫喊，“让小的干吧。”
给予与提取
My friend's preparations for a visit from her children included a trip to the bank. Waiting in line at the teller's window, she lamented to the middle-aged man behind' her,"My children are in their 20's，and I'm still giving them money. When does it end?"
我的朋友为其子女的光临做着一些准备工作。这些工作当然包括要到银行去一超。当她在出纳员的窗外排队等候时，她对她身后的一位中年男子说：“我的孩子们都20多岁了，可我仍然得给他们钱。这种事什么时候才算完呢？”
"I'm not sure，"the man replied while glancing uncomfortably at a paper in his hand，"but I`m not the one to ask. I'm here to deposit a check my mother gave me."
“我可不知道。”那位男子边回答边不安地看着手里拿着的那张纸。“我可不是你该问的人，我到这儿是来支取我妈妈给我的支票的。”
A dog is very thirsty.But he only sees some empty pails.There is no water in them.The dog goes on looking for water.He comes to a small house.There is a girl in it.The girl goes out with a pail.“She goes to a well,” the dog thinks ad follows her.The dog is right.The girl comes to a well ad puts down the pail,ad the pail is full of water,there the girl goes back to her house.
“ Water! Great!” the dog says ad runs to the well.He jumps into the well without thought.”
The water is good.The dog is happy ad drinks much.But he ca’t jump out of the well.He waits ad waits.But no one comes.“I’m hungry now.I must go out,” he thinks.
At the time a thirsty goat comes to the well.He looks at the water ad the dog.“Is the water good?” the goat asks.“ Of down,” the dog says.Then the goat jumps into the well,too.Then dog is happy.He jumps on the goat’s back ad jumps out of the well.
The dog has a look at the goat ad says,“Goodbye!” Then he leaves.
Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States,she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her.At the bank counter,the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the money was real.It made the old lady out of patience.
At last she could not hold any more,uttering."Trust me,Sir,and trust the money.They are real US dollars.They are directly from America."
一位中国老妇人在美国看望女儿回来不久，到一家市银行存女儿送给她的美元。在银行柜台，银行职员认真检查了每一张钞票，看是否有假。
这种做法让老妇人很不耐烦，最后实在忍耐不住说：“相信我，先生，也请你相信这些钞票。这都是真正的美元，它们是从美国直接带来的。”
When the burglar broke into a seemingly empty room one night, a voice suddenly shattered the silence ；"I see you,and the saint sees you. "
The shaken thief took another tentative step.“I see you,”the voice said again:“and the saint sees you.“With that,the burglar shined his flashlight in the direction that the voice was coming from. There,in the circle of light,sat a parrot.
"Dumb bird,！'the burglar uttered in relief.“
"I see you,”the parrot repeated,”and the saint sees you. "
"Shut up,“the man snarled as he turned on a lamp, that's when he saw the menacing Doberman Pinscher sitting beside the parrot's perch,staring at him with glittering eyes.“
" Sic' em,Saint,"squawked the parrot.
The New Teacher
George comes from school on the first of September.
George, how did you like your new teacher? asked his mother.
I didn't like her, Mother, because she said that three and three were six and then she said that two and four were six too.....
新老师
9月1日， 乔治放学回到家里。
乔治，你喜欢你们的新老师吗？ 妈妈问。
妈妈，我不喜欢，因为她说3加3得6, 可后来又说2加4也得6。
A boy of about ten was sitting on a city bus with a briefcase on his lap. Periodically the youngster would whisper into his coat. A woman passenger caught his eye with a quizzical look and,in response,the boy produced a small white mouse from his shirt pocket.”He's just a baby."explained the youngster. "His parents are in here. "Opening his briefcase,he brought forth a pair of slightly Larger. white mice from among a dozen or so that scurried around inside. By this time several other passengers had formed an audience, and the boy patiently explained his interest in mice,how to take care of them, their eating habits, their different personalities and so on.
As the bus pulled up to his stop,the boy slipped the mice back into his briefcase and rose to leave his rapt audience. Starting down the steps,he turned back for a moment."They are for my snake. "he said and disappeared out of the door.